Yesterday my day was so full that when I got home at about 8:30 PM I was so exhausted that I just fell into bed–not sleeping, but just wanting to reflect and pray. I sensed thoughts of discouragement trying to get in because of just a few small things that happened that were disappointing and confusing. It was almost as some part of me wanted to convince me that this Reba Place Fellowship was not all that great just because it was not in all ways perfect. That goes along with my tendency towards all or nothing, black and white thinking that I can slip into. I also have such high ideals and yearnings for perfection that the least bit of imperfection can give me cause to doubt.
I realize also that when I am tired my emotions can start spiraling out of control lead by thoughts that start the spiral. In addition, I have had a number of experiences with visiting secular communities, and I sense some past distress coming up into the present. Just the slightest hint of not being totally accepted or the littlest taste of perhaps someone thinking a critical thought can catalyze those memories. Fortunately I have the Immanuel Approach as a tool that helps me connect with Jesus when uncomfortable emotions arise.
I feel so torn! I want to write all about my experiences, yet once again I have only about 45 minutes before I leave. I wanted to read the book “Treasure in Heaven: The Biblical teaching about money, finances, and possesions” by Virgil Vogt. I will be meeting with him and his wife for lunch today. Sally, my hostess and leader of Reba Place Fellowship, arranged this for me. She enthusiastically told me all about this elder who has been a humble servant leader traveling around the world to help others develop intentional community for many years.
But I just realized that I will have a break between appointments where I might be able to read. So I will take a chance and spend some time writing. It will be good for my soul to express what I have experienced, and I hope good for you readers as well. Your comments are always welcome.